Another Post

Well it looks like I gave in and made another post. It seems pretty relevant given the current time. It's weird going back and reading things I wrote in the past and seeing how little I've changed, hehe.

Alone (08/20/06)

Okay, let’s start by saying the obvious. It sounds like a very anti-social, self-pitying title. But I’m simply talking about the things I like about just being alone. Don’t get me wrong, I still like to hang out with my friends, catch a movie, go partying or whatever, but when I’m alone, it doesn’t necessarily mean I need company. I also realize that I’ll be saying a lot of things that make me sound self-conscious, but who isn’t? I’m just discussing more of my random thoughts.

I’m a shy, independent person, and I can sometimes find socializing quite stressful and enduring. Assuming it’s with people I like, I do enjoy talking to them, but if I do it for too long, or with too many people at once, I feel worn out. At this point, I don’t want to talk to anyone, just because it’s more peaceful. I don’t have to try to be interesting, or funny, or nice (I actually do enjoy being all of those, but sometimes to reinforce it gets tiring). I can just sit back, relax in any position, no matter how awkward it looks, and know that no one will judge me or bother me. Even though I’m technically by myself, I don’t feel alone as long as I have music. I have a lot of music, so I always have something I like to suit my mood. It’s so peaceful to just sit in the quiet, or listen to your favourite music. You feel more engaged and immersed in the music, and you seem to have a new appreciation for every note they play.

If I do have a craving for some human interaction, there’s always someone at home, or I can just talk to people on MSN Messenger. However, I’d much rather prefer just to sit alone. Alone with my music. Alone with my thoughts. I feel like my mind is an open field, but also like a labyrinth. I could just sit or lie down and explore different thoughts. In fact I’m doing it right now, and I have been for these last two thoughts. I can just let one idea simmer. Take different perspectives on it, explore the possibilities or alternate realities involving said idea. Or I can just rapidly think of random things that have little or no relation. Sometimes I get stuck in a hypothetical personal dilemma, usually emotional where I’m not sure what I should do. That’s when my mind is like a labyrinth. I try to figure out the best set of actions that have the best outcome for both me, and anyone else involved. It’s strange though. Sometimes I can think of the problem from every possible angle, and have a seemingly foolproof approach to solving it, but in the end the human mind’s incredibly unpredictable way of working would overcome all my plans and throw everything out of order. I think it’s pretty funny that I was writing about how I like being alone mostly because it let me think about things, any things actually, and that I constantly used my mind to think about important things to me, and then I ended up writing about things I was thinking about, haha. Well I guess that’s all I really have to say about why I like being alone. It’s seems like I haven’t said much, but it’s only because the reason I like being alone is so vague, and somewhat mysterious. I hope I’ve said enough to give some insight into what I do when I’m alone and just thinking.